Things I thought I'd never say or hear

A shout from the bathroom: "She's whisking the toilet." "With the kitchen whisk?!" "Oh, now she's brushing her hair with it..."

To the door-to-door canvasser who unfortunately happened upon our house at dinner: "No, don't try to pick her up! She will bite your hand off! And that's not poop on her back, it's brisket, I promise."

A text: "I'm boiling toothbrushes."  "What?! Why?" "Because Larkyn dipped them in the toilet to get them wet before brushing" (PS- I have already replaced them VERY recently, so sterilization was my answer this time)

To myself in the mirror: "If chewing a hairbrush instead of using it on her head makes her happy while I straighten my hair for 5 blessed minutes, so be it."

To the TV when returning home when our power finally came back in yesterday: "Oh, Super Why, how I've missed you!"

Larkyn's favorite show. "Hip hip hooray, the super readers save the day!" fo sho

At Victoria Secret today: "Well how long have you had the bra you have on now?" "Um, since I was pregnant?" "So like, 2 years and 3 bra sizes in between?" "YES."

After looking at the tag on my new bathing suit and seeing what it was really called: "I am officially old. I apparently bought a swim dress today."

Sadly, this is not me modeling the first bathing suit I have bought in 7 years.